Taking the time to be a Father

Post by Edwina Hine

Lately, I found the following article (German vice-chancellor takes time off to be a dad, The Guardian) very interesting.  As I was reading it, I was reminded of Case Magazine #12 with the theme 'Family Foundations: What’s important for marriage, parenthood and family life.'

In Case Magazine #12  Professor Trevor Cairney writes about families, and in particular The Role of Fathers: Aligning biblical wisdom and research. It is an in-depth look at fatherhood and explores many issues that affect parents particularly dads. In the essay he sets out with two central aims.

To encourage fathers (and mothers) "...to develop an understanding of what God expects of fathers as men of God; and, second, to encourage further discussion relating to how we can work at reshaping our lives so that those of us who are fathers spend time with our families, loving them, teaching them, instructing them in God’s ways and modelling what it means to “love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”

Photo sourced from SMH

Prof Cairney draws on demographic research to illustrate the changing structure of the family, and discusses how changes in employment patterns have impacted on the family. He discusses how research suggests that changing working patterns are having many adverse effects on families. In particular, highlights that atypical hours of work are problematic with negative impacts on health, relationships, families and children’s well being. He also reminds us what the bible teaches on God-centred families and in particular fathers.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Eph 6:4

The article referenced in this blog post is available as a free download from the CASE Website. CASE Associates receive Case magazine 4 times per year as part of their benefits. For blog followers who are yet to be CASE Associates you can sign up HERE or order a single copy HERE.

A 'desperate, breathless, dependent' mother

This is a wonderful short video interview recorded by the 'Desiring God' team, in which Rachel Pieh Jones reflects on the birth of her third child in Africa. At the time she was working there with her husband as part of a nongovernmental organization that aimed to serve the local population. The child was born in a dilapidated hospital in Djibouti, a country in the horn of Africa. Her American friends kept saying to her, you're such a brave mother. But as she reflected on the comments of the people she had met when she returned to the US, she concluded otherwise. Was she a 'brave' mother? No! She was a “desperate, breathless, dependent” mother depending on God. She concluded that bringing a child into the world and rearing him or her, even in the USA, also requires this same sense of dependency. This short 3 minute video is worth viewing.

You can also read about her experiences HERE.

Rachel Pieh Jones on Brave Mothering and Raising Children in Africa from Desiring God on Vimeo.

Marked by my Dad

The mixed emotions of Fathers' Day

It's Fathers' Day in many countries today, a time when we give thanks for our fathers and remember the role they play in their children's lives. However, as an older father (my daughters are pictured on the right), the day for me is more about me being thankful for the blessings of fatherhood and the love of my Heavenly Father shown in his kindness to me. I love seeing my children (and their husbands) and grandchildren any day of the year (and have plenty of opportunities to do so), and every time I think of them I can't help but be thankful to God for the precious gift of families and fatherhood. What a privilege and responsibility it is to be a father.

But for many, the act of remembering our fathers, or even reflecting on how we have fathered our children, can bring mixed emotions. While many have good relationships with their fathers, and many fathers had a strong relationship with their children (as I have), others don't share this experience. Fathers' Day can be a reminder to fathers of their own failings, and for some children it can also be day that is difficult because their relationship with their fathers has not been a positive one.

Reflecting on fatherhood with new eyes

If you are a father, I'd encourage you to reflect on your father and his role in your life and perhaps your role as a father, with new eyes. I had a difficult childhood and a pretty poor relationship with my father (that's us on the left). As I grew up I didn't see him as a great role model and when I became a Dad I almost consciously sought to be a different father. And yet, even in the midst of my father's frailties and weaknesses, I can see that he left his mark on me in many positive ways. As a Christian (since I was 31 years old) I have been slowly able to see that many seemingly inconsequential things in my relationship with my Dad had an impact on me.

For a start, he instilled in me a strong sense of social justice, an understanding of hard work and a political interest. But there are many other more minor ways in which my relationship with my Dad shaped me; here's just one. For many years I thought my Dad had taught me nothing as a child. He left school in Grade 6 and he had no practical skills. I didn't look to him for intellectual stimulation, that was a role that my Grandfather On my mother's side) filled. For example, as an adult when I came to love books, I thought for many years that my Dad had played no part in this. I can never recall him reading me a book as a child. But in my 40s one day I was struck by the memory that he constantly told me stories, anecdotes from his life.  These were stories of his childhood in Scotland living in tenement housing near Glasgow, knowing true 'bread and dripping' poverty in a family of 10 boys and an 11th child a little girl (the last born) who died at age 2. Later he told stories of his work in the coal mines of the Hunter Valley (NSW) and his role in the trade union movement. I can now see, that his constant storytelling had a huge impact on me. He taught me about the power of stories without even reading me a single story (I've written about this on my Literacy blog HERE).

In the minor details of life, my interaction with him left their mark; some to be honest are scars that I will carry to my grave, mostly unspoken and never shared. Others brought good as well bad. Here's one I can share of this type. I can recall one day shovelling coal (a 10 ton load) with my Dad and another man from next door when I was about 7-8 years old (about the age in the picture above). I can remember vividly how impressed they both were that when they slowed down I kept going. I recall their words "only a kid and he works like a man". This incident, and perhaps others like it, was a critical part of the development of my drive and a work ethic that continues to this day, both a blessing and a curse. For a small boy desperate for his Dad's approval and rarely getting it, this one moment had a huge impact on me. It marked me, not necessarily all for good, for my drive and ambition have got me into trouble at times.

Accepting our responsibility as fathers

The great challenge for all fathers is to first have a right view of God. We need to be fathers who trust, obey and serve our God and who seek to teach our children to understand the wisdom of God and to follow him. Deuteronomy (Deut 6:4-9) offers an image of this type of fatherhood. This is a picture of an involved father. If we were to translate this biblical picture into contemporary terms, we would see a father who seeks to obey and honour God, who sets a good example for his family, who models what it is to be a child of God. Such a father spends time with his children (indeed will 'waste' time with them), listens to them and shares godly wisdom at meal times, while resting, while together at home, while travelling. Such an engaged father hopes that they can hopefully mark their children for the ultimate 'good', a relationship with God the Father through Christ (Rom 8:28-30).

My own reflections on childhood reinforce for me the important role that fathers have. God uses us even in our weakness and failings. Pray that God will help you to give fatherhood your best shot, and that even in your weakness, that God in his mercy and kindness will still use you in some way as he draws your children into a relationship with him that will mark them for eternity.

Some of my other posts and writing on fathers and families

An article on families in Case 12 (here).

How time spent with children matters (here).

The impact of the loss of time spent sharing meals (here), and the role of fathers more generally (here).

The shared responsibility we have with communities for other people's children (here) and in the church (here).

A number of more practical posts about fathers on my other blog 'Literacy, families and learning' (here).

Apologetics in Family Life (here)

Revealing the Truth or Hiding it From Children: Learning from Humpty Dumpty

The BBC created quite a stir two weeks ago when one of its children’s programs altered the words to the children’s rhyme ‘Humpty Dumpty’, in order to give it a more cheerful ending. In the revised edition, instead of all the kings horses and all the kings men not being able to 'put Humpty together again', all the King's horses and men 'made Humpty happy again'. The revision of fairy tales and nursery rhymes isn’t new. In recent years some have been modified to remove racism, sexism and in some cases culturally insensitive material. As well, some have been touched up in order to make them easier to understand for today’s children. But is this always a good idea?

It’s easier to build arguments for removing racism and culturally insensitive material, but the type of revision that Humpty Dumpty has suffered is less justifiable. Why do I say this? I think there are a number of reasons but I’ll comment on just two.

1. Narrative helps to explain and offer a rehearsal
for life

Children’s stories introduce ideas and concepts in narrative form as a type of rehearsal for life. Narrative whether told, heard, seen or written can provide a way to learn about, reflect on and explain life. In fact life always ends in death and there can be suffering, sickness, persecution, fear and sadness along the way. Stories may just as easily give a false impression of life if they distort the nature of human experience, or offer it in a limited way. Life doesn’t always have a happy ending. In fact for all of us it can involve pain and suffering and ultimately will end in death.

How children grow in their understanding of the realities of life varies and causes many parents anguish and sometimes pain. Every parent who has had a tearful child come home complaining about being bullied for the first time; having been teased because of their appearance, body shape etc, will know what I mean. Life requires us to cope and grow with our successes, failures, pain, ridicule, joy and sorrow. But how and when do we deal with such issues? Because children begin life in innocence with no awareness of the hard and sometimes dark side of life, parents are right to be cautious about what concepts they introduce to their children as well as how and when. Greg Thiele’s post on appropriate movies for children (here) dealt with this issue. Children need to grow emotionally and not be forced to deal with issues beyond their stage of emotional development.

Parents are the key to the child’s emotional growth and wellbeing and have the important task of knowing what to say and when to say it to their children. It’s terrifying for any parent to let a child go off to preschool or preschool where we can’t personally respond to every situation. Often the way we respond to our children when they get home is in terms of story or anecdote. The child tells their story about what happens, and the parent often responds in narrative form, “I had something happen to me….”, “It’s a bit like that time that your sister….”, or “Daddy had that happen to him….”.

Beyond real life anecdotes and stories children are introduced to many more serious aspects of the human condition through story. On my other blog ‘Literacy, Families & learning’ I have written about the role that literature plays many times (here). For example, in a post on ‘Conquering Fears’ I explored the role that children’s literature can play in helping children deal with unknown fears and known fears like death, danger and the threats of other children. I also explored the role of literature in understanding ‘Death’ and ‘Being Different’.

Christian parents will of course always want to bring back their discussions with their children to the central narrative of creation that explains all other things. And while the best place for parents to start is in reading the Bible to and with their children, all narrative can provide echoes of the central and foundational human narrative. As I wrote in a previous post on ‘Christian Writing for Children’ (here), the gospel of Christ is the central narrative to which virtually all other narratives have some relationship – certainly in the Western cultural tradition and literature. The central focus of the Bible is Salvation History; with its central narrative tracing both the history of Judaism and Christianity and God’s redemptive plan for his people. In the beginning God created…and it was good. But sin entered the world, man rebelled against him and so God placed a curse upon his creation that one day would end in judgement. But God always had a plan for such rebellion; a plan of redemption motivated by love. An amazing gift of grace; his own son sent to die and three days later to be raised from the dead to defeat sin and death. A plan that provided a way for creation to be restored and for humanity to be brought back into a relationship with him.

The biblical narrative of God’s redemptive plan and work is the central narrative that gives shape to all other narratives. In every story there is a sense in which there is an echo of the biblical narrative. J.R.R. Tolkien once said (to his friend C.S. Lewis) that “The Christian story is the greatest story of them all. Because it’s the real story. The historical event that fulfils the tales and shows us what they mean." Lewis and Tolkien both saw the gospel narrative as the central or foundational human narrative.

2. Back to ‘Humpty Dumpty’: Disconnecting stories from ultimate truth

So does it matter that they’ve messed up ‘Humpty Dumpty’? I think so, but probably for different reasons than Ricky Gervais who is also fired up about the matter (see below). There are two good reasons. First, in messing about with a simple rhyme or fairy tale we strip away the depth of meaning and possibilities that were originally intended by the writer. Most fairy tales, in fact most children’s stories have many layers of intended meaning. In fact, many well known nursery rhymes and playground chants have deep political meanings. I’m preparing a separate post on this for my other blog, but let me illustrate with poor old ‘Humpty’.

We're not certain what the original intent of Humpty Dumpty. Some suggest Humpty Dumpty was a colloquial term used in fifteenth century England to describe an overweight person. Others suggest that the ‘Humpty Dumpty’ of the nursery rhyme was a large cannon used in the English Civil War (1642 - 1649) as part of the siege of Colchester (1648) by the Parliamentarians (Roundheads). It is believed that the cannon was placed on the city wall near St Mary’s Church (opposite - Colchester Arts Centre today). It has been suggested in one account that a shot from the cannon of the Roundheads succeeded in damaging the wall beneath ‘Humpty Dumpty’ that caused it to fall to the ground. The Royalists tried to restore it but 'all the King's men' couldn’t raise the canon back onto another section of the wall due to its weight. The town of Colchester eventually fell after a siege of eleven weeks. Many now doubt this reading of Humpty. Some suggest that it alludes to English King Richard III and the Oxford Dictionary refers to 'Humpty Dumpty' as a brandy drink boiled with ale. I like the siege of Colchester version but it is difficult to know the truth of the rhyme.

So at one level, changing the ending simply relegates this rhyme to a playground chant with a happy ending. But at a more fundamental level, the change to the rhyme strips away a connection or echo of the divine narrative. Changing the ending as they did is to suggest a lie to our children (if repeated). Instead, children must learn (eventually) that life can take twists and turns that we don’t expect, and that for all of us it will end up in death. But they also need to learn over time that while there is pain and loss in life, there is also joy and hope, and that ultimately we will be ‘put back together again’ just like the cannon (or the egg!) in and through Christ. Our only hope is in him, and we need not despair or be fearful of death.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. (Romans 8:18-25)

3. Just for fun – Rick Gervais on Humpty

I don't want to trivialise a serious post, but I enjoyed the 'analysis' of Humpty Dumpty by Ricky Gervais. Gervais is one of my favourite comedians (star of the British TV series ‘The Office’) has a rant about what they did to Humpty. Apologies for some of his language.

Related Posts

Report in 'The Independent' on the BBC changes to 'Humpty Dumpty' (here)

Sydney Morning Hearld report on the story (here)

Fathers matter!

1. Secular research tells us that fathers matter

I wrote in an article on families in Case 12 (here), that research suggests that families matter, and that within families fathers have a special role. I’ve also written a number of previous posts about families, including how time spent with children matters (here), the negative impact of the reduction of time spent sharing meals (here), and the role of fathers more generally (here). As well, I've written posts on the shared responsibility we have with communities for other people's children (here) and in the church (here). The latter is critical for families where no father is present. Finally, I've written a number of more practical posts about fathers on my other blog 'Literacy, families and learning' (here).

To recap some of my previous arguments; research on families and demographic trends have demonstrated a number of significant changes in families and parental practices in recent decades. I summarised the trends last time under four headings:

• Family structures are changing – e.g. there are less children in families, women are having children later in life, there are more sole parent households, there are more blended families, children stay at home longer (and many more return as adults) etc.
• Employment structures are changing - and they have an impact on families, with more parents working in multiple jobs, more women back in the workforce, many workers working longer hours, more people working from home etc.
• Fathers and mothers have changed roles and levels of engagement as parents - and while there is a trend towards some fathers spending more time caring for children, for others longer working hours have affected family life. As well, the increase in women doing paid work outside the home has led to more children in the critical first five years of life being placed in childcare with mixed impacts.
• Research has highlighted the critical role that fathers have - for example, fathers have a significant impact on their children’s learning and behaviour. The influence on children’s education alone (the quality of which is also correlated with many other behavioural factors) is significant, as a UK centre on fatherhood has outlined.
  

Other research has suggested that the influence of fathers and family structures flows well beyond children’s learning (see for example Qu and Soriano, 2004). I concluded in my Case article that:

Research suggests, that fathers who show affection, give support and yet offer an authoritative parenting style, have a more significant impact on their children, when compared with fathers who adopt a more authoritarian and detached style. Other evidence indicates that who the father is, and what he does in life makes a difference.

In summary, what many research studies show is that fathers have a significant influence on child health and wellbeing, cognitive and emotional development and life outcomes.

2. The Bible tells us that fathers matters too

The importance of families is seen throughout the Bible. The concept of family is central to God’s plan for his creation and its restoration. The Bible teaches that relationships, like creation itself, were affected, disrupted and dislocated by sin in the Garden (the book of Genesis describes what happened). But God sustained his people in families and sought to restore them to their rightful place and adopt them into his own family (see for example Paul’s letter to the Ephesians 1:4-5). God continues to use families in spite of the curse that has been placed on family relationships as a result of sin, and the struggle that ensues between men and women (Gen 3). God’s plan to rescue his people ultimately involves family – his family!

As well, the critical role of fathers is clear within Scripture. The nation of Israel was one family, descended from Abraham. Within the nation that would rise up as a result of God’s promise to Abraham, there would be tribes defined on family lines and ultimately families within the family, all linked through fathers. Fathers are central to families in the Bible. Marriage in turn is seen as necessary to create a nuclear family – a man and woman, committed to each other in a covenant relationship - which seeks to have and raise godly children (Mal 2:14-15).

How the father fulfils his role as a father in families, is less clear and more open to varied styles of parenting. This of course is within the boundaries of God's expectations of godliness and faithfulness to him and the primary responsibility to make the gospel of Christ the centre of our parenting (see my post on 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' here). But there is no doubt that the godly father who exercises authority over his family is a central part of God's work of redemption within families. I've always found that one of the most practical places to look for guidance on how fathers lead their families is the advice God gave to Moses to pass on to the Israelites in the desert before they entered the Promised Land. Having exhorted them to fear God and obey his commandments, and to take care of how they lived (Deut 6:1-3), God gives instructions on how this is to be done within their families.

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house

and on your gates.” (Deut 6:4-9)

God expected the men of Israel to obey his commandments and to love him with all of their being – heart, soul and strength. He also expected them to teach God’s commands and expectations to their children in the ‘everydayness’ of life. To talk about God when they sat together at home, when they walked from place to place, when they were preparing for bed and rest, and when they rose in the morning. They were to speak of God’s ways, to wear the words of God’s law on their foreheads (no I’m not about to suggest we introduce this practice that is still followed by some Orthodox Jews), and write them on the doorposts and entrances to their houses, so that they would not forget them and so that they could teach them even more effectively to their children.

Here is a picture of a father with a right view of God, who trusts, obeys and serves his God and who seeks to teach his children to understand the wisdom of God and to follow him. This is also a picture of an involved father. If we were to translate this biblical picture into contemporary terms, we would see a father who seeks to obey and honour God, who sets a good example for his family, who models what it is to be a child of God. Such a father spends time with his children (indeed will 'waste' time with them), listens to them and shares godly wisdom at meal times, while resting, while together at home, while travelling. This is an engaged father, one who makes time for his family!

3. Practical implications

As Christian fathers there are some fairly obvious implications for us. As a framework for self-assessment, fathers might consider the following:

Godly Leadership - Is my life demonstrating to my wife and my children that it is centred on Christ?
Engagement – Does my life give priority to interactions with my children and do we share joint activities? Is biblical teaching a part of this?
Accessibility – Am I available to talk with, listen to and simply be seen by my children?
Responsibility – Do I share family responsibility for childcare? [I'm not suggesting a specific model for shared parenting here but the evidence suggests that being involved with kids means time spent with them, and some of the above flows from this].

Other resources and links

Apologetics in Family Life (here)
Fatherhood Institute
Family Action Centre (Newcastle University)
'Literacy, families and learning' (here)

Apologetics in family life

Apologetics has relevance in all parts of life, including our families. Whether in our nuclear or extended family, we need to be prepared to give a reason for our faith, not just by responding defensively to our family members’ tough questions, but more positively as we give reasons for the Christian faith we hold and how this has relevance for our lives. I suspect that readers of this blog with teenagers, who are encountering new ideas, philosophies and beliefs and are asking difficult questions, will appreciate what I am suggesting.

A key priority for every parent is to regularly remind our children what we believe, why we believe it and how this has shaped our lives. My reflections on this topic have been helped in recent times by re-reading 2 Timothy and by my reading (and recent review) of Ted Tripp's book 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' (see my previous post here). While I have some concerns about his book, it is difficult to dispute that the focus in parenting should be on the child's heart, rather than just their behaviour.

In the midst of the cut and thrust of family, it is easy for parents to fail to look beyond behaviour to the rebellious heart that produces it (Luke 6:45). Our primary effort should be to ensure our children internalise the message of the gospel, so that as they grow older they will "choose this day whom (they) will serve" (Joshua 24:15). A key part of our role is to remind them of the things that we were taught by faithful men and women. As we "Remember Jesus Christ, risen from the dead, the offspring of David..." (1 Tim 2:8) we are to remind our children of these things and why we believe them (1 Tim 2:14). Remembering and reminding - two key tasks for parents!

This may be a daunting task for parents, but there is a great word of encouragement in Paul's second letter to Timothy, particularly for those who have seen their children resisting the truth that they have taught them. Just as Paul trusted in God for the well being of Timothy, so too parents have to trust in God for the spiritual well being of their children. While it is our task to remind our children of the truth that we have taught them, we do this in the power of God. We remind our children to “Follow the pattern of the sound words” (2 Tim 1:13) that they hear from us, as we read and study the Bible together and as we share our faith in the midst of life; but our children cannot guard this truth in their own strength. The “good deposit” can only be guarded “…by the Holy Spirit who dwells within us”. Is there any wonder that Paul “constantly remembers [Timothy] in his prayers night and day” (v3)? He thanks God for Timothy's faith (v3) because ultimately Paul knows that it is God who made Timothy into the man that he is.

Paul challenged Timothy never to be ashamed of his faith in Christ (2 Tim 1:8-10) but to hold to this faith no matter what the cost and follow the pattern or standards set for him by Scripture:

Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you (2 Timothy 2:13-14).

Family apologetics, like all apologetics must be prayerful, and done in the power of God. We need to seek God's wisdom for the words to share with our children and the power of the Holy Spirit to work within their hearts. This is the nature of the task set before us as apologetic parents.



Case Magazine

Readers interested in thinking more about the nature of apologetics should watch out for our next edition of Case magazine which has as its theme "To give a reason". This will be out in September

Shepherding a Child's Heart: Wise advice and one key error

Like any father I have always found parenting to be both challenging and rewarding. When I came to faith as a 31 year old with two daughters aged 3 and 5 years I was confronted by a new challenge, how would I raise my children to know God and be obedient to him? As an academic with interest in child development, learning and how families structure learning in the home, I also have more than a passing interest in parenting. As a new Christian, I quickly learned that the Bible was our family's key resource and that this was where I was to seek God's wisdom on how to be a wise parent. It took many years before I even realised that there was a large market for Christian parenting resources and that many of the books published evoked varied responses from Bible believing parents.

Tripp's Error

After hearing many references to Ted Tripp's Book, 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' in recent years from young parents, I decided that I needed to read and review it on this blog. I see this as a very helpful book with some excellent and biblical advice written by a godly and wise Christian, but it has one major flaw. The error is signalled on page 59 when Ted Tripp suggests that:

"We cannot be indifferent to [parenting] methodology. Biblically, the method is as important as the objectives. God speaks to both issues. He is concerned not only with what we do, but also with how we do it."

I believe that the second sentence in this short paragraph is false. The first sentence is difficult to dispute, yes we should give careful consideration to how we parent; we can't be "indifferent to methodology". And perhaps, God has spoken through his word in places to give some pointers to methods. But I don't believe that God is concerned with how we do parenting in the sense that he might favour specific methods, let alone one main method of discipline as we see argued in Tripp's book. Of course, we should use the Bible to inform our practices, but to claim that the Bible offers clear guidance on disciplinary method has little biblical justification. God is certainly concerned that we act as godly parents who seek to honour him and bring glory to his name as we care for and lead our families. Like many authors of parenting books before him, Tripp allows his own methods, which he suggests worked well for his children (and I have no reason to doubt that they did), to become the yardstick by which he assesses the appropriateness of other approaches, before using the Bible to justify his approach while dismissing others. Suggesting a single method ignores key variability in children and parents. For example, not all fathers are capable of controlling their anger and avoiding the warnings that Tripp gives about abuse of punishment. Furthermore, all children are different, even in the one family! They have different personalities and psychological make-ups which cannot be ignored. I believe that slavish adherence to one method will make it harder to avoid the warning of Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord".

Tripp's wise advice

I find Tripp's emphasis on 'the rod' all the more frustrating because the first half of this book lays out a sound biblical framework for the basics of parenting. Until I reached p.59 I found little that I could question and much that I would applaud. For example his comments that:

The gospel is the central focus of parenting.
Far too often parents focus on changing children's behaviour; instead we need to look beyond behaviour to the rebellious heart that produces it (Luke 6:45).
Our every effort should be to ensure our children internalise the message of the gospel.
There are many influences that shape children, including family values, the structure of the family and its history, family practices like conflict resolution, how roles are defined, and how families deal with failure.
Children like adults are covenantal beings that must choose who they will worship and serve - from the womb we are wayward and can go astray (Psalm 58:3).
Parents have the critical task of 'shepherding children's hearts' to be oriented towards God.
Punishment must always be corrective not punitive and be an expression of love of wanting what is good for your child - Discipline must not be in anger, for revenge or just to punish.
Our goals for parenting are always to see God glorified in our lives, in our children's lives and in our family.
Communication is all about dialogue (not monologue) and is vital to good parenting.
It is important to regularly diagnose our children's relationship to God (Tripp offers a helpful strategy for this) that gives biblical focus to parenting.

The Rod

While I do see a place for occasional physical punishment (e.g. a slap on the legs, or a tap on the hand of a toddler who defies my instructions and verbal prompts) as a parent, I don't see much biblical evidence for the major priority that Tripp gives it in this book and his claim (in effect) that 'the rod' is the most biblical of methods, trumping threats of punishment, withdrawal of rewards and privileges, isolation (e.g. the 'naughty chair') etc. Like several high profile books on parenting in the past, this one is in a sense a corrective to overly permissive and unbiblical parenting, but it goes too far. This is a blog post rather than an essay, so I won't go into great detail about my objections to the priority given to 'the rod', but I'd like to simply list some of these objections to the emphasis given to corporal punishment and Tripp's dismissal on biblical grounds of some other parenting methods.

There is no question that Tripp is correct that the Bible supports his advice that parents need to be concerned primarily about their children's hearts, not their behaviour. Parents need to help their children understand that they are sinners and that the cross of Christ should be the central focus of childrearing. He is also correct that parents must discipline their children to curb these rebellious hearts and to train them in obedience - obedience to parents, obedience to other authorities and above all, obedience to God. But how we do this is less certain and there is very little biblical justification for 'the rod' being the primary tool for training your child alongside communication (p. 150). Because 'the rod' is spoken of in Proverbs there is certainly justification for considering it as one method, but exactly what form 'the rod' should take is debatable. Even Tripp's use of Proverbs is open to question, for not all the references necessitate a reading that physical punishment is intended, and certainly there is doubt about the form it should take today. In my view it is unclear whether 'the rod' need only refer to physical beating, spanking, hitting etc. For example, I'm not convinced that Hebrews 12:5-11 (a passage he uses) provides justification for Tripp's thesis that physical punishment is what is intended - let alone his brand of spanking - as the key biblical method. This passage speaks of a father's discipline as being for a child's good and that it leads to the peaceful fruit of righteousness (Heb 12:11). But it hardly provides justification for Tripp's form of discipline; that is, pulling down a child's pants and paddling them a sufficient number of times to hurt them, from any age when they show resistance to you (p. 151). This he suggests can be as simple as resisting a diaper change. While we must help our children to recognise their sinfulness and rebellion, we need to be careful that we do not lose sight of the fact that we also need to help them to grasp an understanding of God's mercy, forgiveness, grace, patience, love and ultimately the possibility of redemption as sinners in Christ. I'm not suggesting that Tripp makes this error, but over-use of 'the rod' may well leave less room for children to learn these things about God.

In contrast to Tripp's justification of 'the rod' is his quick dismissal of many other forms of discipline as unbiblical. While I agree with him that far too often parents appeal to 'pop psychology' for answers, other criticisms are unjustified. For example, he dismisses what he calls 'punitive correction', that is, the threat of punishment to control children (p.64). But surely as a form of discipline a biblical case can be made for it. The Bible has many examples of God warning his people of the consequences of wrong behaviour, and often links punishment, wise behaviour and blessing (e.g. Deuteronomy 28). The pattern for warning of impending punishment is set in Genesis 2, with the ultimate warning that if Adam were to eat of the tree of knowledge that he would "surely die". We must also remember that there is a two way relationship between 'the heart' and behaviour. Yes, our behaviour reflects our heart, but repeated uncorrected behaviour begins to set patterns that influence the heart.

Summing up

There is so much good material in this book that is sound biblically, but its impact is reduced as Tripp embellishes this with his advice that physical punishment is the key tool for discipline. He is right in suggesting that parents should talk to their children when they rebel and that they should appeal to their consciences, but why must this be followed so regularly from a very early age by physical punishment? I would encourage parents to heed Tripp’s encouragement to use the Bible as the key resource in guiding our parenting and not expect to find biblical support for a single method to train our children in godliness. This book is one of the few books to offer a sound biblical framework for parenting, it's a shame that the section on method (which also has much good advice) is flawed due to Tripp's preoccupation with 'the rod', and a very narrow interpretation of what it means in practice.

Children and Innocence

The following is a guest post from Greg Thiele who attends Petersham Baptist Church and is an Associate of CASE

A (Christian) friend of ours recently told us that for his son’s upcoming eleventh birthday, he is planning to take the boy and some friends to see an M-rated movie. We were surprised, to say the least: it is not so very long ago that we cautiously started allowing our children (ten and eight) to watch selected PG films.

What is wrong, one might ask, with an eleven-year-old (or an eight-year-old, for that matter) watching an M-rated movie? Are my wife and I too conservative? If most parents allow their children to do it, can there be anything wrong with it?

The first part of my answer lies in the guidelines for movie classifications themselves. According to advice from the Australian Government Attorney-General’s Department (here), films classified “M” are “not recommended for persons under 15 years of age”. Certainly, films with a given rating can vary greatly in their content and potential impact: but this rubs both ways. PG films, for instance, which apparently are regarded as innocuous by the great majority of parents (judging by the ages at which many children start watching them) can range from very mild, with perhaps one or two moments that, say, a six-year might find frightening ('The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' is a good example of this), right through to films that are aimed principally at an adult audience and contain commensurately adult themes, and are therefore fundamentally unsuitable for children (this is going back a bit, but 'Drop Dead Fred' is an example of this latter kind that I am familiar with).

One of the concerns with PG films is that the term “Parental Guidance” is probably not clearly understood by some parents. The idea is not that all PG films are OK for children to watch as long as their parents watch along with them, and explain any confronting bits. Rather, it is that parents should exercise good judgement in deciding whether the film is suitable for their children in the first place (if necessary, by watching it first themselves, or at least having a very clear idea of the content). Perhaps “PD” (Parental Discretion) might be a more helpful term. Whatever the ages of their children, this is an area where parents need to exercise considerable care and wisdom.

The main concern is that children might be confronted with images or concepts which they do not have the ability to process or understand; and having a parent sitting alongside them will not necessarily have an ameliorating effect: my wife tells of a shocking image from a film she saw as a young child, in the company of her parents, which has stayed with her all her life. The effects of being exposed to such images might not be immediately apparent.

The tendency for children to be allowed (or even encouraged!) to watch films containing material they might not be mature enough to comprehend or otherwise process constitutes an aspect of the trend in contemporary society for children to be “pushed on” to the next age level in their thinking and habits. This is particularly evident in the case of young girls (so-called “pre-teens”) – a matter about which there has already been considerable debate. As parents of a ten-year-old girl, we experience the resisting of this trend as a constant battle: so often, it seems, children are encouraged to act/think/look in ways which, a couple of generations ago, would have been appropriate for children at least a couple of years older.

What is driving these changes? To suggest that the agenda is purely commercial seems simplistic; yet there is probably some truth in it: the more aware, savvy and (ostensibly) mature a child is, the more sophisticated (and expensive) will be the “toys” they will be in the market for, and the greater will be the gains for those manufacturing and selling (not to mention advertising and marketing) those commodities. Role models in the entertainment industries also probably play a part in encouraging children to look and act older than their age: and the kind of access today’s children have to images of celebrities via computers, DVDs and mobile phones was not yet even in the realm of fantasy when I was growing up 40-odd years ago.

Why, as a society, do we seem to find it difficult to let children be children: to grow up at their own pace, as it were? There is no easy answer. Perhaps it boils down to a question of innocence, and how we are to understand it. The bible does not have a sentimental attitude towards children: they are clearly represented as being implicated in the essential loss of human innocence that occurred at the Fall: “Surely I was sinful at birth”, writes the psalmist, “sinful from the time my mother conceived me” (Psalm 51:5). Yet it is possible to set alongside that truth a sense in which children are innocent – unversed in the ways of the world – and therefore in need of our protection.

Scripture clearly points out that children are a blessing from God, to be welcomed, as Jesus commanded us (Mark 9:36-37). We are to love our children - with compassion and tenderness (1 Thessalonians 2:7, 11,12; Psalm 103:13) - and provide them with the good things of God’s good creation (Luke 11:13).

Part of our duty of love and care towards our children consists in protecting them from influences that have power to harm them: whether from commercial interests that would see children as just another commodity to be exploited; or from societal influences that are less easy to define or understand, but no less dangerous for that.

Photo credit - Google Images

Jacob's Inheritance

On Sunday 12th July (Carmen’s birthday!) my eldest grandson Jacob Henry Cairney Starling was baptised by full immersion aged 6! As my daughter Nicole said in her own blog post about this recently, “Some of our friends might be thinking that this is a few years too early and others will be thinking that it's about six years too late!” Needless to say, I was deeply moved watching young Jacob being baptised because it was testimony to the grace of God and his work in Jacob's life and our family. Jacob had become convinced from his reading of Acts with his Dad that as a believer in Christ he should be baptised. His parents after much discussion and consultation decided that there was no biblical reason not to let him be baptised, and many good reasons why he should, if that was what he desired.

The faith that led Jacob to want to be baptised is a wonderful reminder to me as his Grandad of the grace and kindness of God towards our wider family. For like the young Timothy who Paul noted had a faith "that dwelt first in [his] grandmother Lois and [his] mother Eunice" (2 Tim 1:5), Jacob's faith was evidence of the grace of God that had previously brought many to faith in his wider family. God had been at work in Jacob's father’s family (the Starlings) with family members across many generations demonstrating faithfulness to God. Similarly, in his mother’s family (the Cairneys) God's grace is obvious. There are less recent generations of Christians, but similarly there is much evidence of God’s grace and kindness, for in his mercy God saved Carmen and me as 31 year-olds at a critical stage in our children’s life (when they were just 5 and 3). As well, though we were both raised in non-Christian homes, God gave each of us godly grandparents. Jacob has a rich heritage of God’s faithfulness, grace and mercy.

But ultimately, Jacob like all of us, must have a personal faith in Christ and a preparedness to commit his life to following him. As Joshua challenged the Israelites, we too must hear the call of God and “choose this day whom [we] will serve” (Joshua 24:15). In one critical way the role of Jacob’s parents is similar to that of Paul with the young Timothy (who Paul sees as his 'child'); it is to remind Jacob of what they have been teaching him about Jesus and what he is learning himself as he reads the Bible. Paul challenged Timothy to never be ashamed of his faith in Christ (2 Tim 1:8-10) but to hold to this faith no matter what the cost and to follow the pattern or standards set for him by Scripture:

Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 14By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you (2 Timothy 2:13-14).

Paul's words to Timothy are very much the language of the parent for his child. Jacob's parents will similarly continue to challenge Jacob to hold to his faith and the teachings he has heard from them and that he now explores himself as he reads God's word. And of course his grandparents and Jacob's wider family collectively accept their responsibility to remind him of God's promises in Christ. Through the grace and kindeness of God Jacob's faith will hopefully grow and deepen and his family will continue to encourage and support him.

The task of nurturing a precious young child of God is of highest of importance for parents and family. This task might seem daunting to some parents. But there is a great word of encouragement to families in Paul's second letter to Timothy, particularly those who have seen their children resisting the truth that they have taught them. Just as Paul trusted in God for the well being of Timothy, so too parents have to trust in God for the spiritual well being of their children. While it is our task to remind our children of the truth that we have taught them, we do this in the power of God. While we remind our children to “Follow the pattern of the sound words” (1 Tim 1:13) that they hear from us, and by reading the Bible, our children cannot guard it in their own strength. The “good deposit” can only be guarded “…by the Holy Spirit who dwells within us”. Is there any wonder that Paul “constantly remembers [Timothy] in his prayers night and day” (v3). He thanks God for Timothy's faith (v3) because ultimately Paul knows that it is God who made Timothy into the man that he is. So too, this is the hope of Jacob's parents and his grandparents, that God will complete the work in our child and grandchild that he initiated and sustains through his Spirit. I praise God for my grandson Jacob and his godly parents and pray that God's grace will continue to be evident in their lives as they trust in Jesus.

Below (left to right): Tim Blencowe (Pastor of Macquarie Baptist), Jacob's Dad David and Jacob

How not to teach children to gamble: Some biblical advice

I was struck recently while shopping at a local shopping centre that from a very early age people are encouraged to consider gambling as a natural part of life. The ‘lucky dip’ machine designed specifically for children is surely a good example of how from at least the toddler stage we begin to encourage, or at best accept, that luck, taking a chance and seeking to win at the expense of others is part of life. It started me thinking about the many other ways we encourage children inadvertently to see gambling as part of life and how in the process we undermine many significant areas of biblical teaching that most Christians parents would hope to have shape their children’s lives. In particular it led me to consider how we might be teaching and modelling an incorrect understanding of God and our relationship to him. Before dismissing me as a bit ‘over the top’ stay with me till the end of the post.

The social problems that gambling creates

The damage that gambling does is an indisputable fact. As an addiction it is a serious social problem not just in Australia but all over the world. Here are a few facts based on the 2006 edition of the Australian Gambling Statistics (the 2008 statistics are available here).

Gambling in Australia stood at $142 billion per annum in turnover in 2006. Overall, 72% was spent on gambling machines (slot machines or what we Australians call poker machines or ‘pokies’). In NSW, Victoria and Queensland gambling on pokies was about 90% of the total wagering.

The majority of losses are on poker machines. In NSW alone, this comprises 71% of all losses, and in Victoria and Queensland about 55%.

Problem gamblers

The Sydney Problem Gambling Centre created by The Salvation Army is dedicated to supporting people and families trapped by gambling addiction. Their publications give some sense of the extent of the problem in Sydney alone. They define problem gambling as “a compulsive act done in the belief that it will cure financial problems, improve quality of life or relationships or help to manage work issues, rather than a fun activity that is indulged in occasionally.” For problem gamblers, gambling becomes the centre of their lives, to the exclusion of everything else. A major report prepared for The Salvation Army suggested that a key trigger for problem gambling was often a big win at a young age, which the individual would then seek to replicate.

It was estimated in 2004 that Australia had 293,000 problem gamblers, a figure that no doubt has grown since. Approximately 20% of all clients to the Sydney Problem Gambling Centre admit to suicidal thoughts. Some other relevant details:

Gambling expenditure is growing faster than household disposable income.
Gaming machines in the states of New South Wales, Victoria and South Australia are more common in poorer communities.
Heightened levels of parental gambling are associated with higher incidence of child problem gambling.
The Productivity Commission has estimated that approximately 1.5 million people in Australia are suffering as a result of problem gambling; frequently in the form of poverty.
20% of problem gamblers also have problems with alcohol.
20% report borrowing money without paying it back.

What does the Bible say about gambling?

The short answer is not much directly. In fact, the only direct reference to gambling occurs in the Gospel accounts of the Roman soldiers casting lots for Jesus’ possessions (Matthew 27:35; Mark 15:24; Luke 23:34 and John 19:24). Some falsely argue that the Jewish practice of casting lots (Numbers 26:52-56; 1 Sam. 14:41-42; Acts 1:26) is a form of gambling , but this practice was only ever concerned with discerning God’s will, it was not gambling. It did not involve the transfer of something of value from one to another, nor did it reflect a win-lose situation with one person gaining advantage over another. Those who used these practices were not appealing to chance, but rather the will of God. Both Isaiah and Paul connected the focus on good luck or gambling with false religions.

But while the Bible lacks a direct commandment against gambling, it expresses strong views about the foundational causes of gambling. The practice of gambling contradicts God’s standards for our lives and the relationship he expects to have with us. How does biblical teaching support the point that I’m making? There are at least seven things worth noting.

1. First, the Bible emphasizes the sovereignty of God. Matthew 10:29-30 reminds us that we are to live our lives in fear of God, with the knowledge that the one who can destroy body and soul also knows when a single sparrow perishes and has also numbered the very hairs on our heads (not hard in relation to me!). Engaging in gambling, by way of contrast, is to appeal to chance and luck. There can be no luck with a sovereign God. To engage in gambling is a denial of the sovereignty of God in one’s life – God’s purpose for us “cannot be thwarted” (Job 42:2), “for from him and through him and to him are all things” (Romans 11:36) and “he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world.. ...and he upholds the universe by the word of his power” (Hebrews 1:2-3).

2. Second, gambling fosters covetousness and greed “which is idolatry” according to the Apostle Paul (Colossians 3:5). Gambling clearly contradicts the 1st, 2nd and 10th Commandments, instead enthroning personal desires in place of God. Jesus warned: “You cannot serve God and Money” Jesus teaches (Matthew 6:24).

3. Third, gambling is contrary to the biblical commendation to work. The bible indicates three legitimate ways in which wealth may change hands – as we give, by working for it, or by sharing or exchange it with others. Gambling offers the lure of an easy reward. Instead, Paul taught “Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labour, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need” (Ephesians 4:28). By way of contrast, gambling promises something for little effort.

4. Fourth, related closely to the above, gambling is a foolish use of the resources that God has given to us. We are to be good stewards of what God has given us.

5. Fifth, statistics on gambling indicate the devastating impact that it has on families and leads to neglect of wives, husbands and children. Gambling leads commonly to the neglect of families. Paul had some strong words to share with Timothy about the evil that family neglect represents.

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8); parents are to support their children (2 Cor. 12:14).

6. Sixth, gambling depends on someone else losing so that we might gain. This is counter to the biblical principle “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Mathew 7:12). We are to do good to others, not receive gain at their expense. We are to “do good to everyone” (Galatians 6:10).

7. Seventh, gambling is reflective of a lack of contentment with what God has given us. Gambling is the very opposite of contentment. The Bible teaches that God will supply all our needs (Philippians 4:19). We are not to be anxious about our lives, just as God clothes the lilies of the field, so we are to seek him first and he will take care of us.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).

But what does this mean for the way we teach out children?

How does the lucky dip machine relate to all that I’ve said above? I’d like to suggest that it relates closely to it. We live in a society where luck and chance are an integral part of the way people think about the world and their place in it. God is dethroned and instead people seek to run their own lives, to “create their own luck”, to “take their chances”, to "test fate" and so on. In so many subtle ways we undermine biblical teaching about the nature of God, our relationship to God, our relationship to others and God’s purposes for our lives. I want to suggest that we can give unbiblical direction to our children regularly without knowing or thinking about it. We do this in two main ways:

In the language we use (and don't use) – language that speaks of luck, chance and gain at the expense of others. “That was a lucky break”, “Let’s make a wish”, “I’ve had a lucky break”, “Let’s toss for it” and so on. Language that speaks of a world driven by chance, not one ruled by God. This is in contrast to language that can speak of God's sovereignty, his providence, his concern for us, our trust in him and his ability to supply all our needs.

In the activities we permit – the lucky dip at the supermarket seems harmless, but it stimulates covetousness and greed. So too, the ‘innocent’ selling of school raffle tickets introduces the concept of gain from chance. Any game of chance that ends in a prize also inadvertently signals that seeking gain in this way is good. Don’t buy children games that might encourage gain at the expense of others (e.g. a toy roulette wheel).

Am I saying that every board game, guessing competition or game of chance is evil and not to be touched. No, not really. In fact I've written elsewhere about the value of games for learning (click here). The game of pass the parcel at the birthday party that ends in all getting a small gift, the game of snakes and ladders, the running race in the playground are not wrong. But many simple games or activities could through very simple and subtle means be re-shaped to promote gain on the basis of chance, with risk to the players and gain at the expense of others.

But while common children's games are generally harmless, the activities that are harder to deal with are those that do have a deliberate element of chance and gambling in them but may be for a good cause or purpose. The school raffle, buying tickets from the local fire brigade, guessing games for charity, the local Bingo charity game, the football club meat raffle and so on. Does gambling become good because it is for a good cause? No. John Piper wrote a nice short piece recently about the pastor who accepted a tithe of a parishioners lottery win and explains why he wouldn’t accept the $17 million on offer even if he was going to use it for good (here).

What is the alternative?

I think in general terms it is to build strong foundations for life based on what the Bible teaches us. But in general terms:

We need to ensure that our children don’t engage in activities that appeal to gain by chance at the expense of others.
We should encourage our children to understand that work is good and is the means by which we gain resources to cater for our daily needs and to be generous towards others.
We should model good stewardship of our resources and teach our children to do the same.
We need to think carefully about little decisions we make each day such as whether to allow our five-year-olds to use the luck dip machine. What might such an activity be teaching our children?
We need to avoid giving our children the idea that life has an element of luck and chance to it and that we can gain by appealing to good fortune.
We need to ensure that our language does not deny the sovereignty of God. Instead, we need to teach our children with our words and actions that our lives are in God’s hands, that he will supply all our needs and that we are to look to him in all things.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).

Bill Henson Part 5: When can children decide for themselves?

Some background

Regular readers of this blog know that I've written a number of posts about the photographic art of Bill Henson and the debate about the inappropriateness of using photographs of naked children for artistic purposes. You can follow the threads of the earlier debate and my critique here.

For overseas readers of this blog here is some brief background. Henson was at the centre of a major controversy caused by an art exhibition featuring his photographic work. He is a one of Australia's most famous living artists and has gained widespread international acclaim. However, in May this year the police were called to a gallery where his latest exhibition was to be opened. A number of members of the public had taken exception to images of naked children used for advertising the exhibition and some which were placed on the gallery website. Henson has for many years included photographs of young pubescent children in his work. In his own words he likes to express "..ideas about humanity and vulnerability and our sense of ourselves living inside our bodies and our bodies in space" and has been interested in the transition from childhood to adulthood (amongst other things). The police originally charged him and the gallery owners, but eventually the charges were dropped. However, interest in Henson and his art continues to attract comment and debate.

The latest twist to the controversy

Just when many of us had forgotten about Henson, he has broken his five month long silence with an interview in the Sydney Morning Herald (here). This was followed the day after by extracts from a book concerning the Henson case in the Herald's weekend magazine. The extracts are from a forthcoming book by David Marr, "The Henson Case". It took just hours for the first article and the extracts to cause further concern. In both the article and the extract Henson shared that "he has been invited into schools in his search for models". In his words "I went in there, had a look around at lunchtime, just wandered around while everyone was having their lunch....I saw this boy, and I saw this girl too actually, and I thought they would be great and the principal said, 'Fine, I will give the parents a ring and let you know'. So the ball is always in their court...."

One can only wonder why a school principal would allow an artist into a school to search for children who might be suitable for nude modelling without the consent of parents to be there for this purpose.

Curiously, Marr seems to have shared this detail in his forthcoming book (and in the extract) in an attempt to present Henson as a normal decent bloke who also happens to be a great artist. I have no reason to doubt that both these propositions might be correct. As my previous posts should indicate, I have never accused Henson of having wrong motives, and I have always acknowledged his ability as an artist. What I continue to question is his use of naked children as his subjects and the way that they are presented. The SMH article on Friday suggests that he still doesn't get this. I find it incredible that neither Marr nor Henson can grasp that your average parent would feel quite uncomfortable about someone visiting a school to look for appropriate models. But that's not why I've written this post, I'll leave this part of the debate to others. What I want to comment on is Henson and the child's parents approach to parenting.

The folly of children being able to make such choices

One of the clear themes of the David Marr extract is that parents are closely involved at all stages of Henson's work and that the children themselves make the final decision to pose or not to pose. The reference to visiting schools and the manner in which children were solicited as models also appears to be an attempt to rather naively suggest that parents are involved from the start.

On three occasions Marr uses quotes from Henson and the mother of the young girl referred to as "N" to make the point that it is the child who makes the final choice:

"They gain some strength because it's (i.e. posing for Henson) a big decision to make, and no one can really make it for them." Quote from Henson

"...We have always given our children a voice in our family and as an educator I know the value for kids to take responsibility and learn through authentic life experience. N is accustomed to making decisions, trusting her instincts and she certainly has a pretty good handle on what is right and what is wrong." Quote from the mother of the 12-year old girl "N" featured in naked poses.

"....we were a bit concerned about N's self esteem as she was at the tricky time in her life anticipating the horror of starting high school....this was an extremely stressful time for her. We felt that working with Bill would give her a bit of a boost and help her regain her confidence (and it did). Ultimately it was her decision........." Quote from the mother of the 12-year old girl "N".


The view that a twelve year-old not only can make such decisions, but should, reflects the lie of liberalism that humans and their children should be free, in John Locke’s terms, “…to order their Actions…as they think fit…without asking leave, or depending on the Will of any other Man”. The Fundamental Liberal Principle holds that any restriction on liberty must be justified, freedom to choose is always the default position.

Henson and the mother of N, like many parents immersed in a society that fails to question such ideas, have accepted the argument of philosophers like John Stuart Mill that one basis for endorsing freedom is by developing individuality and cultivating capacities ‘…it is only the cultivation of individuality which produces, or can produce, well-developed human beings.’

The good life for the liberal philosopher is one that you freely choose. Such a life is characterised by a person developing his or her unique capacities as part of a plan for their life; this is still the most significant liberal ethic shaping the way some parents raise their children.

What follows from this thinking is that being a good parent is all about helping our children to make good choices themselves. Ultimately, they argue, the child must choose. Which like all ideas has some truth. Of course we want children and adults to be able to make good choices, but we cannot assume that if we allow total freedom to do so, that they will. The folly of applying this to a 12 year-old should be obvious. Yes, good parents encourage their children to make good choices, they help them to think through the rights and wrongs of any choices, as well as the consequences. There are many decisions for which we hope children might take early responsibility: Will I do my homework? Should I lie to my parents about why I was late home from school? Should I disobey my mum? But can, and should, a 12 year-old decide whether she should pose nude or not? I don't think so. Children should be helped to grow in their ability to make good choices in life, but at age 12 years parents need to be wise in deciding in which areas they will give them the freedom to choose.

We live in a society where there is a need to accept that one's choices are made in relation to other people. Our choices have an impact on other people. That's why there is great wisdom in the Bible's teaching that all are under the authority of others (see for example Ephesians 5:15-6:9). First and foremost, we are accountable to God. But we also are accountable and have responsibility to the state. Then we have various relationships with each other, some of which involve authority structures. Children are under the authority of their parents and parents in turn are responsible to teach their children, to take responsibility for them, to love and to care for them, and to help them make right choices. When they are young, or too immature to make the decision in question, then the parents must make the choice for them.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honour your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." (Ephesians 6:1-3)

Of course, this begs the question, what if parents make bad or wrong choices? If this happens, then it is our hope that the law will protect the child, and other children who might be impacted by the family's 'freedom' to choose. The whole 'Henson Case' shows that perhaps our laws need some strengthening.